Ya win some, lose MORE & learn in the process!

I'm exhausted today...or, from the mouth of the two year old Taylor, "I'm exsausage, Mom!" Gosh, I miss my kids bein' little, miss that little girl who would crawl up on the nearest table and dance anytime she saw fit. I know it'd take big bucks to get Matt to break it down to Back in Black these days, too...I'd pay it but somehow, I'm thinkin it won't be as cute @ 13 as it was @ 2... I still say so many things like they used to when they were learning to use "big words". Anytime Josh or I would run to the store, little voices would yell, "Bring me back a so-prize!!" So now I ask 'em, "Want me to bring you back a so-prize?", when I'm headed to town. They look at me like I've lost my mind and roll their eyes. Guess they're too grown up for all that now. What I wouldn't give to spend a week back then with them. But back then, all I could think was, "UGH! I'll be SOOOO glad when they're grown enough to take care of themselves!!". Careful what ya wish for, I reckon...it comes about too soon as it is.

Had my nephews last nite...I discovered how ill equipped I am at handling a two year old these days when Bronc is around....he wears me OUT! He decided that 4 am would be a good time to start a Spongebob Marathon this morning. He woke me up yellin, "Aunt Pitta....Bumbob???" Aw, why not? It IS four, afterall...what did I think I was gonna do? Sleep til like, what, six??? Sleep is sooo overrated, ya know. I'd bet a silver dollar that lil monkey is asleep right now and I will be fightin my eyelids all day! He's at the "parrot" stage...he mimics everything we say. I told Taylor to "knock it off", he told her to "NAW-TIT ON, Sissy!" Funny, but can be very bad too....all ya gotta do is mess up once and you'll get to fight for the next 6 months to wipe a four letter word from his little mind!! My little sister uses all sorts of choice phrases...and now, so does Bronc. But I remember many a tearful fit tryin to get Tracker to quit usin' the "F" word...he used it correctly too. I got lots of advice from everyone on how to stop him:

"You need to wash that kid's mouth out with soap!" I had to wrestle him down and sit on top of him but I did it...he'd cuss as he spit Dawn dish soap out all over the both of us.

"That boy needs his butt whipped!" Tried that too....it didn't work, he cussed and, besides, it made me feel like crap.

"You put him in the corner/time out long enough and he'll LEARN!" Wrong again, but nice try.

There really are kids out here in the real world who just will not fit the molds everyone thinks they ought to! I gave up tryin to scare him into submission and just hoped beyond hope he wouldn't give anyone a cussin' at church or in Walmart. When I quit makin' a big deal of it, of course, he quit. We took him to see The Santa Clause 3 at some point during this time and that Jack Frost character scared him a little. He climbed over into my lap, pointed at the screen, and yelled, "MOMMA! Tell that guy a bad word!!" :) He was gonna leave the cussin' to the grown up this time. It was a "proud momma" moment as me and the kids all died laughin' and several people turned around to stare at us.

Dadgum Okies!!

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF…

* You know the address of Mathis Brothers



* You refer to the weather men by their first names


* You planned your wedding around a football schedule


* You call 30mph winds a light breeze


* You have voted on chicken fighting


* When you hear someone say Texas you immediately think “SUCKS”


* Someone you know graduated with a famous country singer

(Go-TEE-bo)!!!!!

* You can pronounce Gotebo



*You plan an additional 30 minutes for any road trip b/c of certain road construction


* You don’t think it’s odd to name airports after people who died in plane crashes


* You can’t name 3 NFL players, but you can name every player on the OU roster



* You’ve had to use both the heat & A/c on the same day


* You’ve asked someone what type of “Coke” do they want & they’ve replied “Dr. Pepper”


* You hear a tornado siren & run outside to look


* You use the word “fixin” when you are telling people what you are about to do (even if it doesn’t involve “fixing” anything)


* You say you hate Texas, but secretly hope they take OKLAHOMA with them if they ever leave the Union


* You don’t think it’s odd to name a college mascot after people who cheated



* Your local car commercials look more like amateur comedy acts


* You learned to shoot a gun before tying your shoes


* You don’t think it’s odd to have ammunition, movie rentals & fishing bait at the gas station


* You think a F250 4x4 is more of a status symbol than a BMW


* You have at least 5 friends who work in the oil & gas industry


* You only have to drive an hour to go on a hunting trip


* You spend 10 minutes at a 4-way stop b/c everyone keeps motioning for someone else to go first


* The word “bedlam” gets you excited


* Every time someone says “OK” you start thinking L-A-H-O-M-A….Oklahoma......OK!

Good ol' Oklahoma!!

Omnia Vincit Amor (Love Conquers All)!!!

They Threw Off My Groove....

First of all...its FRIDAY again...yay! I dunno why I love this day so much, I get out of bed easier, I'm in a better mood, I smile more, talk more...oh wait, I also get paid on this day. That may have something to do with it.

And then a phone call from the girl child comes in, just now, yes. Had my day all planned out, perfectly. But, it would seem that the first HOME football game has just been made an away game. Grrrr! Revamp the "Plan for Today". Instead of showing up by 7, she now has to be there at 4:30. Okay, this is all part of the motherhood contract..."You shall give up your life for the next 18 years and longer if deemed necessary. You shall make no plans that cannnot be altered or cancelled altogether at the last minute. Literally, the last minute." FYI: Social life and Motherhood do not work well together!!!! While you're at it, go ahead and fold your identity into your mom role. If at the end of raising all you have brought forth, there's a shred of "you" left....well, peachy! If not? Eh.

Another nifty surprise for today: Walked in the school to pick up Matthew early and was informed that I should make a stop by the superintendent's office on my way out. "Why?", I ask. Various replies shot up from all over the classroom. Apparently, EVERYONE in 7th and 8th grade knew why. I gathered enough info from the chorus of voices to know that this kid of mine was gonna wish he'd wasn't leaving early today. The Super is also the history teacher that Matt's always raving about, he LOVES this class. I was a little surprised to learn there was an "issue". But that's just it, he's a nice guy and lets these boys get away with pretty much anything. Matt mentality: "Steamroll him and push him as far as ya can." Of course! I was amazed at the grace this guy is extending to my son...he gave him an "Incomplete" instead of the C he deserves because a five minute assignment was 2 1/2 weeks late and is STILL not turned in! (Where was this teacher my junior year??) AND, he kept informing me what a "good boy" my kid was. Good meaning......???? I was not a happy camper, no siree. I'm still debating what the consequences of this should be. I mean, the guy sat there and told me that Matt has the potential to be valedictorian but he just won't apply himself. LAZINESS, a lack of follow through, that's what it is and it's drivin me nuts. We deal with this in all areas with Matt. HOW do you make someone give a dang? Arrrrgh!!

Geeze...all I was gonna do was get on here and blog about the crows I saw this morning. Really. :) Another day, I reckon, since it's about time for me and my little car to sprout our "Super-Overscheduled Mom" wings and fly to Kinta. "To infinity and beyond...and back again." LOL! Okay, that just prompted some scheming. I am definately gonna find me a superhero costume complete with cape, knee high boots, and some sort of glittery eye mask thing to show up to the next few school events in. I'll zoom around with my arms straight out in front of me instead of walking and puff out my chest alot. If the teenagers in my life won't willingly acknowledge and appreciate the hoops I jump thru for them...I'll embarass them mercilessly!

Sticks & stones may break bones, but words can destroy you.

I stay so flippin' busy anymore that I can't believe there are people who have so much time on their hands that they have to dream up things to make the day interesting. People always tell you when you're growing up that all this gossiping, juvenile crap that goes on in junior high and high school ends there, that it's "not like this out in the real world". We're somehow led to believe that our diplomas double as magic wands that suddenly make everyone into adults and open our eyes to the fact that not one of us is any better than anyone else (gasp!) and VOILA! We all live in perfect harmony as soon as we flip that tassel to the other side of our heads. Nearly two decades later, I'm no longer shocked speechless to find that people "out here" are no different than they were back then. But every once in awhile, the shamelessness of it all does catch me by surprise.




I've watched a family be shredded in the last two days by the thoughtless, idle words that some bored and jobless idiot strung together to have something interesting to tell her equally pathetic cohorts over coffee and cigarettes. They remind me of vultures. They circle constantly, looking for signs of weakness in any breathing creature, zeroing in on the easiest targets; those who've got more than enough to deal with and can't fight off an attack. They begin to swoop in, taking pecks here and there, hoping to cause enough pain and exhaustion to bring the prey to its knees. Maybe they'll retreat for as long as it takes for their victim to regain a little hope of survival, maybe not. Disgusting, despicable, carcass-eating, busybodies. They spend so much time in the company of only each other, they grow immune to the stench they emit. Or, perhaps, it's the entire community that stinks, therefore, it's familiar and actually quite comfortable to thrive in the putridness of it all.





I think of ways I've contributed to the pain of others by runnin' my mouth and I'm sorry in more ways than I could ever express. Being the target of it more than a few times will break you right out of wanting to have any part in it. Thankfully, I've developed an intolerance for the maliciousness of it all. In reality, no one is actually dying on account of careless words, but it's bringing about death, nonetheless. Death of trust, death of relationship, death of a marriage, death of family, death of a business ruined by a tainted reputation...death of sanity, it would seem, for the one most affected. We can all sit back and say, "Oh, no one listens to all that stuff anyway.", but the truth is, people ARE listening. They're taking it in, adding in their own twisted perceptions of the situation, and spitting it back out to the next willing listener. If only I hadda dollar for every time I encountered the, "OH! Have I got somethin' to tell YOU...you're never gonna believe this..." intro to conversation. It's the drug of choice in Small Town, America. I got countless other addictions to occupy my mind and time.





Gossip is as much empowered by the listener as by the one speaking it, but it finds its highest glory in the response of the one it's attempting to destroy. It's a fight to get it shut down in a place where nothing makes anyone happier than the misery of another. What I want to do is climb up on a table in the middle of them all, interrupt their gabfest, and really give em somethin' to talk about, let 'em all know what havoc they're wreaking on these poor people. I'm gettin' a good lesson on the destruction that words can bring about. I hope I don't forget it.

chatter boxes die of an empty heart

fools openly spread slander

the blabber of the wicked is worthless

a foul mouth is a stagnant swamp

the words of the wicked pollute the air

"If it's too loud, you're too old"...I somehow got OLD!

Monday, monday, it's here to stay. This song is always in my head on Monday mornings...guess the Mama's & the Papa's musta felt the same way about Mondays as the rest of us...only they thought to write a song that spent a lotta time at the top of the charts. I'd imagine they didn't mind Monday's so much after that!

Had a pretty wild weekend...feels that way today anyway. Had another late nite Friday waiting on Taylor to get home from the game. She's 14 and not gettin home til after 2 am. Almost sounds familiar. 'Bout had to surgically remove my head from the pillow bright and early Saturday morning. Finally got the troops organized and out the door an hour later than I was supposed to. We spent the rest of the day at Rock the River with friends. It was fun, despite the rain that just wouldn't quit. Thank goodness the stadium was covered. It was nice to see such a good turnout for the benefit. Amanda won fifty bucks in a drawing...appropriate, I thought, since it was her birthday. I've gotten used to never winning a thing yet I always fill out the little slips anyway. Must still have some hope somewhere in here!

Hannah House is a pregnancy crisis center in Fort Smith. They do such an awesome work in this area, helping teen moms and moms-to-be get their feet back under them and givin' em hope for a future again. I loved hearing the girls stand and tell their stories of how the center had changed their lives and empowered them to offer a life for their children. I gotta soft spot for teen moms havin' been there myself. I remember how scary it is when you feel like ya got nowhere to turn. Absolutely a needed ministry and it was a awesome to see 14 bands show up to lend their talents in support of it. All of the bands were comprised of men. I thought that spoke volumes about the heart they have for these young women. Local bands took the stage for the early afternoon, then Every Day Sunday took over and kids came out of the woodwork! By the time Thousand Foot Krutch played, it was nearly packed. Of course, I spent the entire day waiting on Seventh Day Slumber to play.... was well worth it but it's always over too soon!!

I did discover that metal bands playin' in an all steel stadium makes for a rough time on the ears tho. We figured out pretty quick that if you wanted to make out the words, you had to plug your ears! Or go get real up close and personal with all the teeny boppers in the pit. Whichever. I only lasted thru SDS in the pit tho...rough crowd! My ten year old nephew was nearly crowd surfed when he tried to get on a friends' shoulders for a better view. Scared him half to death...thank goodness security was doing their job!!! I still get tickled thinkin about what his face must have looked like when he realized he was about to be bounced around like a volleyball!!! Or what Taylor's must have looked like when she realized she couldn't get to him fast enough! Or what they all looked like when that big uniformed man drug him down and gave em all the "what for" with his big flashlite shinin' in their faces!! Funny stuff.

I sat up top and watched big ol' kids being thrown around down there...I can't imagine what would have happened to poor little Bryar! Taylor made it out unscathed and Matthew only suffered minor injuries for his time spent with the extremely physical moshing part of the crowd. I can't understand why anyone would want to have a part in that crap. I made the mistake of attending a very loud, very hardcore metal concert back a while back with the kids and my very pregnant (at the time) friend, Amanda. Who knew we wouldn't hear for 2 days???

Anyway, before I had this whole thing figured out, I was determined to stand front and slightly right of center so that I wouldn't miss seeing or hearing anything. The first couple of bands weren't so bad...not that they were so good, either, but I can handle some head bangin and jumpin around. Although, the kids were standing so close to one another, I don't see how they weren't crackin their heads together when they were slingin' their hair back and forth. I'm thinkin you need at least 4 feet of personal space...on ALL sides, if you're the head banging sort, maybe more if you got a lotta hair. I spent more time making sure the guy behind me wasn't gonna take me out with blunt force trauma to the head than I did watching the show. But, that was only beginning...then the real bands began to take stage and the exciting stuff began...more like, the aerobics began really. I'm just standin' there, arms crossed, wondering what in the world I was doing there and considering the impact deafness was gonna have on my life when the lead singer spit...and I mean SPIT (more than just saliva, ok?) right out onto the crowd. I'm sure my mouth dropped wide open. I was positively disgusted but others seemed to think it was the best thing that had happened all night and went ballistic! Mr. Headbanger next to me was no longer banging in a back and forth motion. Oh no, it was back and forth, side to side, round and round...and all the sweat from his lovely locks was flying all over me. I'd decided I'd had enough about the time the moshing began and he slammed into me and I slammed into Paula on the other side of me. I got the whole "WHAT are you doing" look from her. I just pointed. I was less than impressed with the whole experience and if Disciple hadn't played "After the World", I would have started a full-scale riot. If I'm gonna put in two and a half hours of time, give up a good portion of my hearing, and be sweat on, spit on, and slammed around, I want to hear the 4 minutes of music I came for, dangit.

Friday Nite Wipeout

Amanda took Tracker home with her after the game...he couldn't WAIT to spend the nite with Luke & Aaron. I'm thinkin' not a whole lot of playin' went on.... lol!!!! Too cute.

It's Tuesday in name but Monday in nature....

Ugh...this Tuesday has been worse than a Monday. Well, actually, it all began on a Monday...it's simply carrying over into my Tuesday. Not fair. I did enjoy my Labor Day weekend, though. Went and watched the Poteau football team hand Spiro their butts on Friday nite. Was an awesome night for football, perfect fall weather despite the sudden cloud burst that drenched us all. Baby Noah and I hid out under a backpack for cover. Tried to keep my hair dry...it fuzzed up like a Cheetoh Puff anyhow. Ch-ch-ch-Chia! My favorite freshman didn't get to play, but he did look official all suited up in his brand new Pirate attire. Couldn't be prouder if he was mine. Hit Walmart afterward, thinkin' at 10:30 pm, it would be pretty empty and I could get in and out really quick. Well, everyone else must have had the same idea...it was packed. I survived, but barely.

Taylor cheered at her first football game on Friday nite as well. The boys played in Peru, Oklahoma...who knew there even WAS such a place? Not I. I'm actually wondering if there IS such a place. After googling it, I'm convinced it's either so tiny it's more like a pothole or... it's in Kansas. That's the only Peru I can find. Whatever. I knew it was far enough away that I wasn't driving it. I picked her up about 2:30 Saturday morning...she was wiped out! Next game is supposed to be a home game. Her dad and I can't wait to terrorize her from the stands....too much fun! Can't believe I forgot to get a picture of her in that skirt...guess it's the shock of all of it. You'd never convinced me a month ago that my girl child would be cheering...ever. In fact, when she told me she was gonna try out, I laughed....out loud. Made her mad too. I'm recovering but we're still trying to convince Josh that those blue bloomer things are NOT the same thing as underwear. Taylor and I decided that it's really to our disadvantage that he didn't have any sisters.

Josh and I headed out early Saturday morning in pursuit of some bear watching. We found tracks, but no bear. Frankly, I was relieved. Josh can run quite a bit faster than I can...survival of the fittest. I'm never the fittest. Was an enjoyable walk in the woods...all except for the snake and the disgusting porn magazine that someone had decided to leave behind, a loooong time ago from the looks of it. Josh and I had a heated discussion over his decision to NOT remove the smut the first time he saw it lying there. His thinkin was, he didn't put it there, he wasn't touchin' it. I made my thoughts really clear to him quite quickly as I wadded the nasty thing up and carried it out: "If you KNOW your wife and kids may very well walk past this crap, get it the heck OUT of here!". Maybe I used a few more words, but you get the gist of it.

He and I had the house to ourselves Saturday nite. He fell asleep 15 minutes into the movie we'd rented, then woke up 20 minutes before it ended and questioned me 1000 times, "What happened? What's goin' on? What did I miss?". Grrrr!!

We headed out to the Choctaw Festival on Sunday afternoon for some great music and good food. We weren't even hungry until we smelled it all...I just can't walk pass the funnel cake stands and NOT buy one. Then we found these nifty, little twisted, fried potatoe things that you could get BBQ brisket & cheese on top of...we got a double order. The two or three bites I got were good....Josh took those over, I only looked away for a second too. It's just a good thing that all the food stands were up a hill, a steep one, from where we were sittin'....saved me from ruin!

The kids rode the carnival rides until they ran 'em all out at about 12:30. I totally enjoyed the people watching while we were waiting around. Some situations are just too predictable to be any fun tho. We were laughin' our heads off at a song that was blarin' ..."Do the Stanky Leg", wonderin' what on earth such a dance might look like. Then, it happened. Two girls started doing the dance right then and there. I elbowed Josh and nodded in that direction so he, for sure ,wouldn't miss the show. Body parts were threatening to fly out at various locations from low, really low, necklines and all the jiggling that was going on. We fought the urge to just openly stare with our mouths hanging open. Sad, really....these two girls were so desperate for some attention. I knew in that environment, it wouldn't be long before they got what they were lookin' for. The carny boy runnin' the ride my kids were on couldn't get the ride stopped and the kids unloaded fast enough! I just love it when a boy has a girl to show off for...I was amused at the acrobatic moves he was suddenly capable of. Watching him creatively dump all those kids was almost as much fun as watchin' the stripper-esque dance moves the girls had goin' on. Josh and I whispered bets about how long it'd take the carny boy to holler at the more daring of the two girls. I hoped it was fast cuz I was afraid she was fixin' to start tossin' clothes! We drug our feet walkin away, hangin back behind everyone. I'd say it took maybe 15 seconds flat before they were up in each other's faces. After I'd gotten over the satisfaction of correctly predicting the ending, I started the whole, "Just where is that girl's momma anyhow?" bit. Probably the same place MY momma was when I was her age.... :)

Taylor gained some ground with her dad on Sunday whether she knows it or not. He's always on her butt about her clothes, "That's too low!", "Those are too short!", "Get that off!", "You're NOT goin' out lookin' like that!". I try to hold a neutral position...if he's right, I say so. If she's right, I say so. Their personalities are so alike that they clash, constantly. It's exhausting, refereeing it all. She's the only teenage girl he's been around since he was a teenager and since he WAS a teenage boy back then, tank tops and daisy dukes were pretty cool!! Not so much now. I've always thought Taylor exercises some class when choosing her clothing but he flips out almost daily. I often tell him she is gonna hate him before it's all said and done. Sunday was good for him...he was very quiet for a long time after we got settled in at the concert. Finally, he looks at me and says, "I can't believe what some of these girls are wearing!". I couldn't resist, "Yeah, you should be thankful you have a daughter who dresses normally and quit gripin' so much!" Then he said, "ABnormal, from the looks of things." He truly was in shock....poor little, sheltered man. Wish I had taken some pictures of a couple of the outfits we saw...or even the dancing girls. That way, when he starts up again, I could just whip 'em out and shut him UP!!

"So when you get the chance...are ya gonna take it?"

On the drive to work yesterday, I was thinking about the day that was ahead of me and wondering what just might be in store for me. I do this alot, not exactly sure why. I never get as far in processing as to actually go thru possible scenarios...just a broad sense of "I wonder" goes thru my head. The way I got it figured, if I made it to another sunrise, I should make the day count. I try to keep my eyes open for opportunities to just make a difference in someone's life... if only in a minuscule way.

I love people, I really do. I'm a people watcher (no, that's NOT the same thing as a stalker!). I just notice things....what people wear, the things they say, their expressions. Women are especially fascinating. We all have our own sense of style from the clothes we put together, to the way we accessorize ourselves, the shoes we choose, the hair we wear, the way we talk, walk, write, and laugh. Some of us are very thoughtful in the way we put ourselves together, meticulous and polished, while others of us seem to be able to throw it all together and be just as fabulous. Amazing creations is what we are.

A few years back, I attended a women's conference in OKC. Beth Moore was the speaker so, of course, the women of Oklahoma, Kansas, Texas and more turned out in full force! Before the lights were dimmed, I happened to take a look around the arena. I had to appreciate the view: about 15,000 seats, from floor to ceiling, and in a complete 360 degrees was nothing but women and girls. All ages, races, and every shape and size was represented in that place. Every color I've ever seen was displayed in the clothes we were all wearing. Then, as the conference ended for the night and everyone was leaving, (and me, being the people watcher I am) I couldn't resist turning around when I got down to the lobby just to take a look. It was a literal sea of women, streaming down the escalators, into the lobby, and out the door, very fluid and smooth and calm. Not loud or rude or pushy, no visible irritation at the time it was taking to get out the door. Not at all like what you see if you're brave enough to hit the "day after Thanksgiving" sale at Walmart!! It was a beautiful sight.

Dunno what point I was trying to make with all that but what I mean to get across is that, I'm an observer. In all my travels, this trait has brought some awesome opportunities my way: to help people out and hopefully, to have made a difference in the lives of others. My life has been full of "down & out" moments but there has never failed to be a "someone" who just "happens" to come along and help me get on my feet and back on track. I figure it's my duty, for sure, to step up when I can but mostly, I just want to.

However (there's always one of those, isn't there?), there are times when I'd just really rather not. Yesterday brought about one of these times. I looked up to see a face I just didn't rightly care to engage with walkin into my office. It's not that I even know the woman all that well, can probably count on one hand the words we've exchanged. I do know OF her tho and that I got firsthand. She started a really horrible and completely untrue rumor about me when I was a senior. I was all of 17 at the time and she was close to 40. Why any grown woman would want to terrorize a teenager is beyond my scope of comprehension now, I sure couldn't understand it back then. But, whatever...it happened, broke my heart, but also defined what true friendship was. Those few (very few) who were my friends stood beside me and all the impostors were exposed. Maybe I should be grateful but it still sucked. So much, that I don't want to even go into it now for fear that I will hate her guts again. Blech.

Back to yesterday...I'm face to face with her, there's no one here but me so I'm knowin' I gotta, but screamin' inside, "I don't wanna!". Funny how life brings you such situations. I'm to a point in life that, if I'm not happy to see you, I'm not gonna fall all over myself pretending to be thrilled and makin' small talk. "Can I help you?", was the best I could do. She needed her propane cylinders refilled and when I'm the only one around...guess who gets the privilege? Right. So, while I'm wrestling the bottles outta the back of her truck, I'm wrestling with myself in my mind and I began to have a conversation in my mind. I went back and forth and over and under the completely snotty way I was behaving toward her and the fact that I felt quite justified in it. I tend to retreat behind some reinforced walls when I've been hurt by someone. It's quite obvious too: I avoid eye contact, speak quietly and only when necessary, answer in one-syllable words when asked questions and do it all with just enough attitude to let the person know that it's not because I'm shy. It's a shameful display and I executed it shamelessly.

And then, I looked at her face. I mean, really looked at her face, and what I saw kinda hurt my heart. I saw a woman who's life is catching up with her and time hasn't been kind to. Someone who hasn't got a real friend in the world, and deep down, she knows it. Suddenly, I felt like a toad. A really ugly, slimy, heartless, wart covered toad. Ugh! WHY do I have to have a conscience? How come I hafta care about people...especially those who have gossip-filled mouths that hurt other people??? Dangit.

So, I swallowed my self-righteous, high and mighty, "right to treat you like dirt because you started it" pride parade and asked her how she's been. Those first few words were hard, but it got easier. She immediately went into telling me things about people I had no business knowing (true to form..lol!) but I was able to shut that down peacefully and steer the conversation elsewhere. She opened up and told me some of the hardship going on in her life and I truly had compassion for her. (wow'd even me) She stayed for quite awhile...I think sometimes we just need to be heard by someone and when you stumble upon a willing listener, well, it just all kinda comes flyin' out. I saw her in a different light. Not as the malicious, rumor spreadin', trouble maker I'd always labeled her, but just as a person who is insecure about the mistakes her past holds and desperate to cover them up anyway possible, even if it hurts another. And a woman with a heavy load to carry, no one to help her with it, and no one even to just lean on sometimes.

It was a pretty humbling experience for me. Just served to prove that all the junk that I'm seeing in a person is just really the outward symptom of something that's really wrong on the inside. Maybe I shouldn't decide who someone is based on my first encounter with them...maybe it's the second or third time around that you really get to the heart of someone. I think that all of us, given the opportunity of a second chance, really want to do better the second time. I still had a choice to make about her tho. And I decided I have been given too many chances to deny another theirs.