Why is it that being a parent seems to simultaneously, at times, bring out both the best and the worst of you? It's true, I believe, that you never really understand what love is until you hold your child[ren] for the first time. You would give all you are, all you have, and all you ever hope to be for them and never give it a second thought. They teach us what self-less love really is simply because they exist. They become our "center". We do our best to teach them about life (hopefully as much as they teach us), correct them when they get it wrong, try to model how to do it right, encourage them to chase their hopes and dreams, and protect them with every ounce of strength we have. And then.... they start school.
I don't like bullies. No, it would be an understatement to say that I really, really, really, supremely HATE it when people push other people around simply becuz they're bigger, louder, meaner, RUDER...all that junk. Could be cuz I was the object of many a bully's attention in grade school. Yeah, that's definitely why I have such an intolerance for it. It's amazing how those memories stick with ya...I may have forgotten what I got for Christmas when I was 8, but I can describe to you, in great detail, the snotty brat that was jackin' with me at that time.
So, I have talked to my little maggots about never, EVER being mean or teasing or pickin' on other kids since they started daycare and could understand the words that were comin' out of my mouth. I just ASSUMED all parents had this talk with their children, that we all, now that we're adults, understand that this behavior is wrong and that it scars people! WRONG! I was wrong, very wrong.
I don't consider myself to be of a volatile nature. I'm not mean or violent, not prone to regular fits of rage, not an unruly sort. I'm easy to get along with, I'm a happy camper, dangit. BUT! I've discovered that I can go from "happy-go-lucky" to anyone's worst nightmare in about two seconds flat when it's my kids that are bein' jacked with. I'm pretty sure my eyes glow red and my hair stands on end too. It happens so fast, I've scared myself a few times.... my poor, poor kiddos... :) I morph with pretty much no warning.
I'm not proud of it, either. Not proud of the fact that, last week, I told my six year old to "knock his d#$%! teeth out the next time he even DARES to push you!". Not proud that the whole thing made me so mad my face was blazin' red, I was screamin' & hollerin' about what I'd like to do to that kid's parents for not raisin' him better, and I'm pretty sure you could have heard my heart beat from five yards. Not proud that it took me a good 15 minutes to regain my composure.
It all ended well, thankfully. Only by the grace of God, I reckon, have I raised balanced children who handle opposition far more gracefully than their mother manages to. Tracker finally had to get physical, but once he did, it was all over with. And he did it all so calmly...its amazing the things that I learn from my kids! It's just hard for a momma to step aside and let her little ones learn that the world is FULL of people who are just dead set on causin' someone trouble and even harder to not just step right IN and handle it for them. Yeah, I got no problem takin' on a 1st grader! (Nah...I surely hope I have more of a grip on sanity than that!!!) One of these days I will learn to keep my mouth shut until they COME to me for help.....maybe.
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