It's a new day, a new month, a new quarter even but tomorrow is when the fun begins... Taylor will officially be a teenager tomorrow :). Seems almost impossible that 13 years has gone by so quickly. She and I went thru a box of pictures last week.....how come I wasn't paying attention to the fact that she was growing up? It's alarming as a parent to wake up one day and realize that you have less years left with them than have already flown by.
I hope beyond all hope that our next 5 or 6 years are so different from the last 5 I spent @home. When Taylor looks back one day, I want her memories to be filled with good things, lots of love--even in the midst of the disputes. I have worked hard @ tryin to be a good parent. Some days I feel like I am failing miserably and that they will surely grow up to hate my guts, some days I just don't CARE either. But for the most part, it's easy for me to remember what life was like at their age (just one of the advantages of early motherhood!), I remember how confusing the world is when you're 12 and 13, I remember that it only gets MORE overwhelming when you're 15 and 16. I have total compassion for any kid in junior high or high school.
This has been a pretty tough year for Taylor. It was tough watching her go thru it too. My daughter doesn't cry, so I cried enough for both of us. She won't cuss either, so I filled in the blanks for her there too. Seventh grade just SUCKS. I remember that year myself and wouldn't repeat it for less than millions (plural). It rattled us both for a few months. Taylor has always been so grounded, so sure of herself, so UNLIKE her mother so it scared the pants off me when I saw her begin to change to fit in, to wear a different personality every day of the week if she felt it necessary, to become a complete stranger right before my eyes. I have prayed my guts out for that kid simply becuz I didn't know what else TO do. Let's see, she has been stabbed in the back repeatedly , left out, lied about, been used and abused, and dropped abruptly when she was of no further use. For those of you with baby girls coming up, let me tell you, you have GOT to pay attention, they don't want to TELL you all this crap is going on. Dunno if it's pride with Tay or the fact that she's terrified I will have one of the fits I'm so notorious for....:). Hey, when it's your kids gettin hurt, you will KILL somebody....even if the one hurting her is only 12..... Just kidding, I did GOOD, handled this stuff like a pro....okay, semi-pro. But it IS my first round. Doesn't mean I didn't want to go to school with her everyday just so she'd have me and my biting wit to battle those witches with.
We're on the down hill slope of the battle now and overall, Taylor has grown as an individual. This has made her dig deep to find the things that are really important to her, to find the person she really wants to be, and the set of morals that she is okay with living by. I learned that it really doesn't matter what I think, how I feel, or what I say, in the end, she is not ME. I can't fight her battles for her (I will, however, be directly to her right!) and, as much as you want to shelter them from harsh reality, I can't encourage her run away from it all either. We decided this was probably the first of many life-changing seasons and that they'll probably get tougher as time rocks on.
She does have green hair tho. Hey, I gotta choose my battles wisely and if teal green hair is all the kid wants @ 13.....I'm gonna consider myself blessed beyond words. AND, when I figure out how to post pix on this thing, I'll be sure all of you know how teal hair looks that way when YOUR daughters ask you...you can smile and just say yes!
2 comments:
Okay, this dates me too, as you already know. Wow, where the hell does the time go???
I hated this time of life too, any female who didn't go through hell and back at this age is either lying, a total recluse or the one causing all the heartache :)
On a positive note, sounds like she is well on her way to becoming a STRONG women. Can't say enough about having the balls to prepare your kids for the real world...and just think, you are trying. Our parents were too consumed with there own lives to have that to say! We grew out of survival, not always our parents teaching us lessons.
Hello, this teen must have ate you alive! How are things?
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